Frustrated 24.05.2017

I want to write every day. And every day, I struggle where to start with what to write, since there's just so many uninteresting things happening in my life, I'd rather not write.

Coz, if I write every day: will just be all about being lonely. How I long for company, someone I can share stories with, instead of writing it down. will just be about how I am struggling to blend in where I am at. How frustrating it can be to talk to someone and even ask for someone. will just be about my frustration why I can't speak the language. That pressure I put into myself and unrealistic expectations upon things surrounding me. will be just be about that news I've read and how valid it is. How I complain that I will not read the news anymore but I still kept reading it.

Today, I watched Beauty and the Beast again. I will never get tired of fairy tales. I hope, I really don't get tired of it and the feeling it brings. The faith, the hope, the romance and the music that comes with it. It is just so beautiful.

I wonder how my own fairy tale will be....

365 QOTD
Did you use your time wisely today?

I think so.
Hmmm.. I bought that guitar. A secondhand Yamaha C 60A model. I had already played two cover songs ;)

I did the laundry and ironed the clothes.

Also, the grocery.

Capped the day by going to the onsen with my dear Tita G.


At home, I would always find you in front of your sewing machine, inside your mini sari-sari store, squatting down doing the laundry, or busy in the kitchen. Never an idle time except for the designated time for siesta or bedtime.

I can still remember that day after the surgery. From the recovery room, they put me back to my patient bed, all weak and dizzy. You were there. I was motionless, I couldn't open my mouth, I couldn't utter a word, I just could't move at all. Your fingers move to brush my hair and to touch my cheeks. Tears started falling down from my eyes and you wiped then away. I cried because I wanted to say "Thank You" but I couldn't. Even until now, even if I say the words "Thank You and I love you" it will never be enough to let you know how grateful I am for having you as my Mother.

I can still remember that moment back when I was a child, I was asking for something but you were not able to give it to me, so I said, "Ang sama mo!" and then, you asked me, "Masama ba talaga kong ina?"

If only I can go back to that time and take back everything I had said and all the pain I had caused you, I would definitely do so. I regretted that day and all the days and actions I had caused you pain. Nothing I do today will ever suffice for all the sacrifices you've done in the past for me and my siblings.

Two thousand miles away from you every day is torture. I can't hug you. I can't kiss you. I can't sleep beside you. All I can say is "Labyu.Labyu." That will never be enough. No words can ever be enough.

But I want you to know that whatever good of a person I am today, I owe a piece of it to you. To you and to Papa. How blessed I am for having such Godly parents.

Blessed. What a wonderful word to describe myself.

Blessed because I have such an amazing Mom just like you.
Blessing, what a wonderful adjective to use for you, Mama.
You are a Blessing.
With you as my Mom, every day is a Blessed Day.
Happy Mother's Day Mama!

Lost in Translation

09 May 2017

365 QOTD

Today I lost _______________.

Today I lost buckets of tears again after completing the Second Season of Code Blue.

Code Blue is a Japanese medical drama series featuring one of the hottest Japanese actors, Tomohisa Yamashita aka Yama Pi.

Completing the series made me want to learn Nihonggo more. The entire series is just full of deep philosophical thoughts about oneself, relationships and personal values. I wonder what more if I can understand it from the first language like I understand English and Filipino.

Kudos to the translators and subtitle makers for the series as they were able to convey the emotions and thoughts, in my opinion.

I look forward to watching Season 3 soon!

First Solo Trip 02-05 May 2017

May 2, 2017
First stop: Tenjin, Fukuoka

Second Stop: Shimonoseki, Yamaguchi Prefecture.
This is the southmost part of the Honshu Island closest to Kyushu Region. The two islands are connected by the famous Kanmon Suspension Bridge. I was planning to go back to Kyushu Region via Kitakyushu City by walking thru the Kanmon Tunnel from Shimonoseki to Kitakyushu, but due to time constraints, I decided to do that some other time.

Mobile phones Charging Ports. Though not all buses are equipped with such amenity, most buses has it. So, there can be no excuse for non-contact nor worries of not being able to use the GPS. As for wi-fi, I haven't bothered to check since I have enough mobile data allocation for the trip. 

Going back to Tenjin Bus Station for my bus bound for Nagasaki.

This is the pathway for transferring from the Arrival area to the Departure Area.

View from the escalator.

The underground mall. 

Running away from Diapers or Peeing all the Way? What are these babies trying to depict?

I really find this restroom so fancy. Wouldn't you want to be welcomed by books on your way to doing Number 1 or Number 2. 

Yakiniku for dinner in Nagasaki. 

I had so much fun talking to my friend that I almost forgot about the time and I missed the last tram trip and so I had to take the train, alight at the next station and walk towards Nagasaki University to meet another friend who adopted me and took me on a tour the next day. 

May 3, 2017

This is one of the oldest churches around Nagasaki. It lies next Oura Cathedral where the famous San Lorenzo Ruiz was tortured and executed, as per my father's Skype history unsolicited history lessons. LOL.

My friend, Aura. She is a MEXT scholar under an 18-month Science teacher-training program in Nagasaki University. 

The Glover Garden was said to be a famous place where aristocrats and Dutch people visiting Nagasaki stayed and thrived.

Going to the topmost part of the garden, one can choose either to take the escalator or the stairs. 

Yeah. We were just in time for the wedding. 

Standing Not Allowed. 

The Greenhouse. 

Lunchtime! Carb-on-carb. Who cares!

Taking the tram to see the next attractions. 

The Peace Park 

At the center of the park lies this statue as a symbol of peace. 

The exact spot where the atomic bomb fell. Apparently, the bomb exploded 500m above the ground. It brought a very wide range of damage all over Nagasaki. 

Birds here are so fat that they can't fly very high anymore. LOL

I had that eerie feeling walking along this park. Due to time constraints, I wasn't able to visit the Atomic Bomb museum. I will do that in another day of visit. My friend warned me that it was like looking into that Martial Law exhibit that gives one a very heavy heart after the tour. It would make one cry. She cried, she said. A fair warning for me, coz for sure, it will make me cry. 

Waiting for the bus bound for Kagoshima.

Travelling around Japan can be an easy thing because buses are equipped with portable lavatories and blankets for sleeping. Seats can also be reclined and chairs are spacious enough. 

Kagoshima welcomed me a little bit chillin'.   

May 4, 2017
Inside Picnic with all the usual Pinoy breakfast food! 

Off to Sakurajima Island. It's a 15 minute ferry ride from the city.

The parts with the white sheet of paper are craters. 

I've changed. This is now my new Jejemon Pose. 

Not really that steep but my friends were scared to climb. So, I did it for the 3 of us. 

Chicken Curry. Japanese people loves curry.

I want to do this at home. Make coffee jelly and have lots of stock of vanilla ice cream in the fridge and whip cream in the cabinet because Summer heat is real. 

Homebound. The city welcomed me back with a little bit of drizzle. 

The 3-day trip was short and but good enough to have me back on track for now. 

Miyazaki City. 
May 5, 2017
Aya Winery

Ooops. Too early to get drunk. 

This spot in Miyazaki is famous for its fruit wines and sake-making activities. It is said that the spring water here tastes so good that it makes the best products out of it, be it wine, vinegar or even tofu. 

Different variants of sake, which all taste the same to me. But the fruit wines are heavenly. 

At the back of the winery, there is this small bridge going to a little forest.  

In the midst of the little forest, there is a little pond with lots of small butterflies and dragonflies. 

I'm not good with names of flowers but I like taking photos of them.

This is my current phone home screen. 

All these photos are raw. Unedited. No watermark on it either. But all these shots were taken with my mobile phone.

I may not have seen much during my 4-day trip but I was able to overcome fear of the unfamiliar, appreciate nature, breathe fresh air, experience random acts of kindness and reconnect to good people who then reminded me of my many whys in life. In one way or another, they keep inspiring me to be better and to just live my life to the fullest.

I had always wanted to do a solo trip. I never imagined it will be in another country where I can barely speak the language. True enough, sometimes, it's good to not think too much, just gotta pack the bag and fly.

Travelling is addictive. I am willing to spend so much for it than a signature bag or shoes or make up.

After 3 Days.

Tonight, I arrived at the city where I live. Not yet so familiar, but getting there. Starting to be familiar.

I took a 3-day trip tom some places around Kyushu Region: Miyazaki-Fukuoka-Shimonoseki- Nagasaki-Kagoshima-Miyazaki. A trip, I am glad I took courage to have done. I surely did burn a few thousand yen but it was all worth it.

If it was the old familiar me, I probably would have been taking so many photos, uploading each one on my facebook and instagram, one after another. But on this said trip, I barely took a few tens of it. Though, I would say that on this trip, I had the most number of photos I could ever have, me as the subject on it. My friends were kind enough to take stolen and posed shots of me in the various places we had gone to.

I had always planned to go on a solo trip. Never thought it will be somewhere unfamiliar, far from my comfort zone and a place I barely know the language.

From places to people, I took home with me a better perspective on things and little bit more of courage on facing the days that will come ahead.

1. It is always good to ask. This trip made me comfortable asking for a little help, with my super broken Nihonggo and my bus tickets on hand, I was able to get answers. No one had even turned their backs on me, they would try as much as they can to help.

2. It made me miss my bed. After being away for 3 consecutive days and 2 nights, I am happy to reunite with my bed. I miss the usual dim light of my little den and the smell of my bathroom and toilet.

3. Do good, it will always come back in hundredfolds. Aura, my friend in Nagasaki, let me stay in her house overnight. She cooked our breakfast, took me on a tour around the city, and we had good conversations recollections and reconnecting. She, together with 2 other persons, stayed in my place in Manila for a couple of weeks for our teacher training back then as part of our NGO work. They asked to stay coz they can't afford to stay anywhere else. Who would have thought that of all places, this is the place where she can return the favor. She was hoping I could stay for a few days but that wasn't really the plan. I invited her and her fiance to visit Miyazaki early next year!

4. Always remember the WHYs. My conversations with colleagues in Kagoshima, made me remember why I am here. The past few days were filled with down emotions and sharing great laughs and dreams with these two other ladies took my mind of from homesickness and reminded me to be grateful. Sharing simple breakfast meals, how to economize and save on utility bills up to talking about bits and pieces of future plans.

I'll do it again. I will do it again and again.

I will ask.
I will think about what is familiar.
I will always try to do good.
I will always seek ways to remember my WHYs.

Friday Breakdown

Last Night.

"The third month is usually the hardest month, so I totally understand you on that." Katelyn said, while sipping on the can of chuhai (a fruit-flavored alcoholic drink of 9% saturation).
-me and my American neighbor talking while she pack her suitcase for her 4-day trip to Hong Kong.

Last Friday night, I had a breakdown.

Three months and counting.
I tried to act as normal as possible. Go with the routine all the way, but something is just really very heavy in my chest that day. I tried taking deep long breaths. But there were moments that I feel like I was running out of breath and need to catch some air in my lungs like I was drowning from everything that was surrounding me.

I went to the conversation class. My favorite teacher was absent, I would have just turned my back and just stay home for another hour, but my not-so favorite teacher (Wednesday schedule) was smiling and was willing to adopt me for that free class. I sat down, we started a conversation that wasn't really a conversation coz he did mainly most of the talking. Still, he had me entertained throughout the hour.

Then, it was time to go to work again.

The work day went by, as normally as I would have done it. Taking frequent bathroom breaks so I could catch my breath and stop my tears from falling down. I kept doing that countless times in side the toilet where no one can see.

Work was over. Where would I go?

I went to the only bar I go to. But the people I usually hangout with weren't there. The bartender, who usually kept me entertained was busy. And I wasn't really in the mood. After one tall glass of tequila sunrise, I decided to just head home.

Alone again.

I needed to sleep.

I bought one small can of chuhai again and decided to stay at my colleague's unit and talk about her upcoming visit to the Philippines. last minute reminders and check ups about the flight and how to meet with my family at the airport for some documents I asked her to bring for me.

Then, I started talking. Then, I started crying. I wasn't stopping. I just kept crying.

I am still trying to fight back my tears as I write this now. But I think, I am feeling a little bit better.

I didn't realize how difficult it would be.
I dreamt of moving here. I prayed for this. I am here now. But how come, I still feel that emptiness.
I am happy to provide for my family. I had always prayed that I can do that, but how come I still feel lacking of something? What is wrong? With me?

Tomorrow, I will start a 3-day trip around Kyushu. I hope that my Dora-dora adventure will provide me with new perspective, a refreshed being and a more positive attitude to let me survive my OFW ordeals.

But for sure, whatever happened to me last Friday, that won't be the last time. It will happen again. I just hope that I have someone to hug again when it occurs.

Rescue Me

Completed 13 Reasons Why and then started to read Forgive Me, Leonard Peacock by Matthew Quick wasn't a good idea.

Now, I am in a way down low kind of feeling.

Add the fact that it's my lolo's 2nd death anniversary today.
Take me out of this darkness. Hug me tight and tell me that everything will be alright.

Not a book review

I had finished reading the book Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari. A very useful read, I should say. 

Thanks Lubu! 

It had given me a lot of things to think about as someone who is a millenial coz that is actually the main study/subject of observation of the writers. The very on-point and detailed descriptions and observations about online dating apps, really took my attention. It really made me think about my behavior as an active user. 

Consider dating apps as introductory services.
I totally agree with this. Online dating apps has made way for me to meet so many guys who works for different fields and interests. From the formal ones to weird ones. 

In fact, my long time guy bestfriend, I met him thru MIRC, 10 years ago, I think. He would still check on me every now and then. And he met his fiancee thru Tinder. So, yes, he is a major promoter of Tinder to me. HAHAHAHA.

A vast array of choices
The wide variety of options had made it difficult to choose due to comparisons and had also made us set quite impossible standards. Perfection has raised the bar for standards though we all know that it can never be achieved. We tend to have difficulty choosing one or give no effort to work things with someone because we always think that there is always someone better out there, if you just keep looking. Also, "looks" has become the initial and pre-selecting factor in choosing a date. 

Waiting Game
One thing that really struck me was the waiting game in digital correspondence, they found out that a guy or a girl who text back immediately, is taken for granted and ultimately has lower value as a reward. For someone like me, who always have the smartphone handy, I haven't really thought of it. In fact, my sibs would be surprised if I won't reply right away when they send me a message. Though I would notice that it would take time for others to reply to my messages, I don't take it into account. Unless, otherwise, they simply just vanish and had become non-responsive. I would take that as a signal of disinterest from the other end. I take conversations as long as it interests me and cut it as polite as I can, if it is something I am not comfortable with. 

Real self vs Phone Self
I would probably make another entry for this one. But yes, for most of us, we have a different self in phone and in person. Also, it is important that when we meet someone from a dating app, it is much advisable to meet right away than to keep talking in the cyberworld. We still prefer the proximity and availability after all. The funniest thing is about guys, who would ask about sex and other weird stuff via phone but I am not really sure if they would have the courage to ask the same questions face-to-face with a girl. 

In a rush. 
I am not really sure what courtship is anymore. Or if it is still even a valid point. I would still like to go to that stage of getting to know someone but it seems like it has become an alien stage. It's either, a click or not a click. Then, move on to the next option if it doesn't work out. Coz, as they say, "there is always someone better out there." Aziz's great reminder is about how we treat others in terms of digital correspondence. He said that we should always remember that the person on the other end of the line is a human being and deserves to be treated as humans. As we would have wanted to be treated. 

Second Chances. 
I like what he said about this part. Finding a partner can never be achieved through constant left or right swipe. It takes a lot of effort, understanding and working together. It's a puzzle that takes time to complete and a lot of trials and errors for a certain piece before it perfectly fits. Just hold on to that piece.

We should always keep or at least end with a good note with somebody because you will never know how destiny will make you two meet again and maybe be able to give it all a second chance. 

My thoughts are still completely scattered. As usual, I have been procrastinating and just not completing anything in the process. But then, I should keep writing. Not because I wanna be a writer. I had long let go of that dream, but because I need to just keep writing because nobody else can do that for me. 

On Dating and Meeting New People

I said I had quit on Tinder. I actually did but before that, I was able to build a little circle of cyber acquiantances as my LINE contacts. (LINE is the most popular messaging app they have in Japan)

With that, I was able to get onto a few dinner dates on the weekends, as of this writing, all of which were local Japanese. Usually on a Saturday since I work late on Fridays also. I met a few good guys. One was weird but still, it all went well in the end. 

A few things that got me thinking in the end......

1. Language Barrier. 
          It's very hard to communicate in speaking two different languages. How awkward it looked when we had to rely on depend on digital translator to keep the conversations going. No matter how I try to keep trying to ask for words in Nihonggo, some people aren't really that patient enough to teach others, I guess. 

2. Getting Laid.
       I don't know if it has something to do with my being a foreigner that they thought I am liberated enough to open my legs to them after a free dinner which I actually offered to pay for mine even before we personally met.

3. Teach English.
        I dont know how many times I had to remind the guy that I am out to meet people on my off hours and not to find someone who is desperate to learn English.

4. Insecurities.
         Japanese girls are beautiful. Glowing skin. Beautiful eyes and very fashionable clothes.

5. Just gotta be real.
        Apart from language differences that can cause miscommunications, it really takes a lot of effort to connect to someone. Sometimes, it just happens, most of the time, at least I tried.

I probably would still have to edit this entry in the future, but for the meantime, let it be. 

Randomthoughts 28 March 2017

March 28, 2017 11:58 PM

I noticed that I haven't posted any random thoughts since I came here... So...

Let's go down the list:

1. I live alone, but I never ran out of dishes to wash..... There will always be a cup or a glass or utensils to wash. LOL.
2. Daiso is my baseline for quality which for most still happen to be of good Japan quality. 

3. If I live in Manila, I probably would be buying a minimum of 5 books per cut off. Hardbound.

4. I need to finish reading Memoirs of a Geisha before the month ends. 

5. Why did I even start reading the Pedagogy of the Oppressed? I wish I have somebody I can discuss it with. As soon I can get my thoughts about it collected, I'll probably just write about it. 

6. Dandruff! Waaa... I didn't realize that suffering this is part of the deal. I keep trying different stuff, reading a lot about it in the internet but none of them seem to work. 

7. I still need to learn the art of budgeting. Seriously. I feel like I am back to my first days of being a salaried citizen. 

8. So, this is how it feels not being at family gatherings and Sunday affairs. But I am happy to see my parents and my tito and tita being able to hangout and just chill. They deserve to have a good time. 

9. I need to make sure that get up early and go out in the mornings. 

10. I will take another formal language course in here. Hopefully that would help me get better in daily conversations too. 

11. I should work on those post cards soon!

365 QOTD
March 28
Did you work hard today?

Hmm........ I tried to. Would that count?

March 29
What was in your post office box today?

It's too early to tell. Will let you know as soon as the day ends!


Time check: 
March 29, 2017 12:17 AM 

How accomplished do you feel today?

How accomplished do you feel today?

Me, I felt like the day just went by and I had done nothing anything significant at all.

There's this side of my brain that keeps reminding me that I should be sad and sensitive. (F*c& these hormones!) while there's this other side of me telling that I should just keep myself busy and occupied so I wont have to entertain any negative ideas of sorts.

It's hard to fight ones own thoughts. Indeed, our greatest enemy is ourselves.

I've been busy the whole day. Doing this and that in school. Prepping for the new school term. Familiarizing myself with the new textbooks (which really sucks) re-arranging stuff inside the classroom and just labeling almost everything.

I've been busy scrolling onto the social media again. Getting myself almost active on Twitter again. Hoping that at least, I can post something sensible that my crush would then take notice. That didn't happen today. Maybe I should tweet more and use more catchy hashtags.

365 Questions QOTD
When was your last vacation? Where did you go?

On January 2017, a week before I left for Japan, we went to this northwestern side of Luzon-- Bolinao, Pangasinan. We stayed there for 3 days and 2 nights.

It was good. I love the sunsets I've seen in the that place.
That not-so-low-not-so high cliff where I climbed over to see and experience bigger waves. I was hoping I could jump straight to the sea, but my superstitious uncle warned me not to be so adventurous since I have a scheduled flight soon.
I tried to eat the inside of a sea urchin which was not a good idea. My lips got swollen and itchy for a bit since I am actually allergic to seafood but I still tried my luck with the sea urchin. Booyah.

My Ex and Whys

My Ex and Whys

As any typical Filipino modern love story, they lived happily ever with all the "hugots" involved and all the supporting roles involved-- the pambansang bestfriend, the wingman, and the titas of manila.


365 Questions QOTD

What advice were you given?
... my closest friend who's in Iceland advised me that I should never stop believing that there is the one which she emphasized in another statement that I should never stop swiping right. LOL.


A Hug

Where I'm at right now, every hug I get or I give out, it's just so valuable. It's rare.


Cherry Blossoms Soon

Cherry blossoms as per forecast, here in Miyazaki, will be next weekend. Hopefully it doesn't rain.

Two Months and Counting

When I came here, I told myself I will write so many things about my life in here. I told my self, I will document every thing and keep it here. But I haven't written a lot since I came here.

Living alone isn't a new thing for me. Having lived at a boarding house way back in college, I think I know what it feels like to live alone. Or so I thought.

Here, it is totally different. From billboards that I cannot understand, to bus schedules that I usually don't need, to labels on grocery items that I can't read, to a bookstore that has limited items that I can understand, to people that would barely understand a word I say, to a literally cold and almost empty home I come to every day.

My tita warned me about moments that I will cry incessantly because I would miss home. I sure am. I am missing home and the crying moments would start when I am at home alone.

On my day offs, I would frequent Daiso and pick of things I can buy for my little space. As if anything I put in it, would make it feel the warmth of a home. I try to put wall decors with vibrant colors, as if that would put life in it. I bought a ukulele out of whim coz I thought, I just needed to keep myself occupied so I wont feel empty.

I would lay in bed usually up until 3pm, doing nothing but scrolling and scrolling on my phone. Curled up in that little space, forgetting my promise to myself to explore the new place I am at. Sulking into loneliness.

Usual routes would consist of work, grocery, window shopping at Aeon Mall or that second hand shop 15 minutes bike-ride away from me.

One Thursday morning, I veered away from that usual day off routine and rode a train towards this highly-recommended daytrip onsen experience at a 3-star hotel. I was glad I did that. They have Ladies Day on Thursdays and so I got a discount for using the onsen and the gym. But since my weekday offs are erratic, I would probably have to wait for the next month to get that Thursday off. Or maybe, I could just jump into the train again and just go there. The discount isn't that much anyway compared to what relaxation it can give. After all, it's the best pampering I could give myself for now. But I wish I can do it with my mom and sisters too, someday.

Two months and counting,  I should not pressure myself onto scribing my experience and realizations with this chapter of my life. It is still anew and there's a lot to discover. From language acquisition, to lifestyle check, to establishing a career and investments and finding love or me having to be found.

One thing is for sure, this place has good people, I just need to be careful who to trust.

Buti na lang.

I made a classic mistake today.

For someone who is a first timer in an onsen, I almost went inside the wrong Onsen room- the Gents area.

Buti na lang! Lol.

posted from Bloggeroid

Just Make Sure to Notice

Just make sure you notice... the collateral beauty. (Collateral Beauty, 2016)

I had never completed watching a movie without shedding a tear. Tonight, I cried a river while watching this movie. I tried to get distracted by ironing some clothes while watching, but I had to stop what I am doing because I need to catch up with the lines and every thing in between, until I decided to pause it, finish my task and sit down to play it again where I left off.

Different stories in a single movie. The pain of losing someone coz death, separation from a daughter coz of divorce, saving a company from getting a buyout, fear of losing a life-long investment, terminal illness kept a secret, the thrill of chase of big dreams.

He made an appeal with death. He questioned time. He said goodbye to love. But he never acknowledged life.

How does each of us cope when tragedies strike our lives? Do we ever get to see the collateral beauty attached to it? How long does it take to get a clear view of that collateral beauty? How do we ever begin to accept that collateral beauty?

I had found the movie deeply philosophical and it struck several cords in me that's probably the reason why I cried river and got to start this entry.

What is collateral beauty?

I've fallen in love a few times, been hurt the same number of times, all I can feel is pain and self-pity, that I can never be good enough for somebody. So, what is the collateral beauty in this?

The value of patience and faith. And forgiveness of self whenever I stumble into a complete a-hole. And millions of second chances.

I've chosen to live and work in a foreign land, away from my comfort zone, all I can sense in me is fear, homesickness and loneliness. So, what is the collateral beauty in this?

The presence of inner courage. The belief of common good and the faith that the Ultimate Being is omnipresent.

One should never deal with death coz, for all we know, it could also be a beginning of another life or another death.

One should never blame time coz, all it does is bridge life and death.

One should never say goodbye to love coz, we can never choose who or what to love, it chooses us and it's all around us.

We should all embrace life as it is, coz no matter how painful and tragic it can ever be, it will always be beautiful. Coz everything comes in pairs. For every tragedy, there is collateral beauty.

Just a Thought

Do you ever read something and feel like it's just for you? 
-Jim Preston (Passengers, 2016)

I just finished watching the movie today. Out of the blue, I decided to click on it, instead of my usual tv series episode on queue. And as usual, I cried before the movie ended. It's a love story that bloomed in the most unexpected place and time on a journey to a new life.

They were supposed to be asleep for the next 120 years until they reach their new planet, but something went wrong and a passenger, Jim Preston, was awaken 90 years before their expected time of landing. An android bartender kept him company. Until he had grown a crush on a fellow passenger and he had started prying on to her personal profile, growing more fond of her every single day until he decided to wake her up but kept it a secret. Being the only couple alive on the ship, they have no one else to go to but each other, they bonded and fell in love with each other. But of course, secrets are meant to be revealed, so one day, the android bartender, told her about it, which made her very mad coz, of course, that is not part of her plans. All along, she saw herself as a journalist who will be living in two futures. She planned to go back to earth after staying in Homestead II for a year. Making it another 120 years of travel back to earth. 

I'm not really a good storyteller, might as well just watch it on your own. LOL. What really struck me was the line of Jim when he started reading the write ups of Aurora. 

If ever you have been reading my blog, have you ever felt that it's just for you? Or in the future, should you visit this page, would you ever feel that it's for you?

Wrong Side of the Bed

I want to tell you about my day. About how I am feeling, how lonely it could be, how crazy my thoughts could go.

I want to tell you....

How I woke up at 7am but opted to stay curled in bed until I hear my stomach grumbled and eventually, I had to get up and fill up my tummy with whatever I have on the fridge that day.

How I tried to figure out how to hang dry all my washed clothes coz I included the beddings and towels.

How crazy the weather can change in here, it's sunny today, rainy tomorrow, sunny again for the next two days. Warm day, chilly evenings.

How I had delete my acount and uninstall Tinder on my phone. Apparently, I seem to have build enough connections for now.

How I have lots of chocolates on the fridge, but I opted to buy a very expensive slice of cheese cake, coz that's what I really want to eat. Matcha is for another stressful day.

How biking let me discover places and cities near me.

How I got a very cheap monthly mobile sim subscription without a contract.

How I wake up and wish to have your arms around me on this cold Monday morning.


So this is how I celebrated my first Valentine's day in Japan:

Woke up at 5am.
Walked to the bus station at 6:30
4-hr bus trip to Kumamoto for a "training"
Ate burger at the Freshness Burger
Completed the "training"
Walked around the Kumamoto Castle
Got lost somewhere in the Kumamoto Castle
Found my way back because people are so nice and helpful.
Finished reading After Dark by Haruki Murakami in the bus.
Walked my way home from the bus station.
Came home to a cold and silent apartment.

It's gonna be like this for the next days. Coming home to a very silent home and alone for most of the time.

Nothing new about that. Except for the cold weather.

This is just a stage.

Just like any dream, one day, some day, I won't feel alone anymore.

Pillow Over Flowers

Wherever I go, there will always be that one person who would tend to drain my energy at work or in life. To survive, I gotta fight that negativity. Sometimes, the resistance to the thought of the negativity could also be a reason to get drained.

Days are getting tougher and tougher. The almost laidback days at work are over and WORK is starting to speak for itself. With two training trips ahead, nine demo lessons on queue (5 already completed, so four more to go), days are becoming restless and restless at work.

Family and real friends just know when I need a little rescuing. Just an hour of phone call and then, everything seems to be put back in perspective again.

Younger sisters sending me single word messages out of the blue, telling me they miss me.

Papa, logging on to skype using my bro's account just to tell me he had opened a new account for my future remittances. But all along, I thought I was talking to my brother. LOL.

Then, that scheduled call from a friend from the other side of Japan. That's just how I am, I gotta schedule phone calls.

He reminded me of a few things to remember when boat starts shakin':

1. There will always be something better from where you are right now, coz that's human nature to be not contented. Nonetheless, don't ever miss to see the good things in whatever you have right now.

2. Do your work. Do it with love.

3. Goals. Always have goals. Always remember the "why" you chose to be here.

4. Stay away from things and people that drains your energy.

5. You know your weakness. Work on it. Build strength on it.

But this one is the best:

6. "Wag kang makinig sa kanya. Mas magaling ka sa kanya. Naniniwala ako sayo."

I'm probably missing home and the good people I used to surround myself with. All of a sudden, I forgot to be grateful. Good thing, they were there to remind me of it.

I am at a good place, the better one could wait for it's own time.

I think I would prefer a pillow to hug than flowers at this point in time. Eventually to be replaced by a real hug from my very own Mr. Sakto in the future.


Dear Future Boyfriend,

A-uno na naman ng Pebrero, 2017 na. Wala naman. Ini-inform lang kita.

My training trip ako sa Feb. 14 kaya busy ako.