What is your current account balance?

365 QOTD
What is your current account balance?

Oh. That is difficult to answer.
For one, I have several bank accounts. LOL.
Second, I really don't have that much.
Aside from a very small stocks portfolio and balanced-funding insurance policy, all I have are savings accounts that doesn't really much in it. Just enough for me to get through life and make sure that I save a little for the future.

****
Today, though I still have flu and little bit of a bad throat, I felt way better than yesterday.

I also tried to finish writing a case study for one of my subjects in MA class but I am not really satisfied with it, I am having this speculation that my teacher would be returning it to be for revamp and all the necessary changes. If I will have difficulty passing this subject, I would understand. But definitely, I would never give up on it. Little steps. Little steps.

I had a great night with my Japanese friends. We did our English chat a little different than usual. Mr. Y organized the event in his new house, so it appeared like a EnglishChatXHousewarming, since it was a new house he had just acquired.

Everybody had a good time. We had food, drinks and booze. It is really amazing how people tend to let loose when alcohol kicks in their veins-- the silent becomes chatty, the taboo topics become conversation topics and the just lots of laughing and spilling out of questions and answers with no holds barred. If only we can all be that honest on a daily basis without alcohol, I think things would flow more smoothly and fairly for every body.

There are certain life decisions I had recently made out of intuition and I still trying to test the waters. As always, gotta prepare for the worst. But for now, everything seems to flow smoothly and I am thankful.

Drain.

"Pupusta ko, hindi ka na babalik ng Pilipinas."

This is what my friend told me after we did an almost half-day walkathon at the mall and several shops in the city. But his goal is just to buy fish sauce and bagoong isda, as part of his kitchen condiments.

He has been one of the few people I can talk about how much I seemingly can't comprehend what is going on in the Philippines. From drug war to anti-intellectualism and smart-shaming, I just can't imagine.

He talked about brain drain. People are leaving. Intellects and skilled workers choose to leave the country and work in another one because they can't get enough money in the motherland. The initial plan is always just...... work for a few years, make investments, save more money and come back to the PH for good. Though it happened for some, most people who chose to work overseas, had chosen to come back to PH in their retirement age. The age wherein the society hasn't a lot of gain from them. I told him I will come back. Then he retaliated me with situations of me finding a foreigner husband whom would definitely alter future decisions.

Then, I realized, brain drain is real. Among my friends, only a few chose to work for the government and not even working full-time but on project-based ones because they don't want to be tied up to the government and will still pursue studies abroad. A few of us are already abroad, two among them are taking up Masteral studies in prestigious universities while I work and still pursue distance learning from the flagship university of our motherland.

So far, a few things keep me grounded in PH. My family. My studies. My defiance of the EJK. The Lumads and the minority groups fleeing the war in Mindanao.

All of which, I get to support because I am earning more than I had in PH. And if I come back and work at this current state, I don't know where I will start over again. 

Philippines will always be my home. But then, if home isn't really nurturing me anymore, it's about time to step up my game and put in the bag all the things that inspire me to move forward and keep on aiming to find the better me.

One day, I will come back, hoping that I can make a difference.

Did you do more talking or listening today?

365 QOTD

Did you do more talking or listening today?

I hope I did more listening today.

Today was a rare occasion that I initiated the video conference with my siblings. It is usually them who call me. Also, most of the time, I talk to my mom and my 2 younger sister. I rarely get the chance to talk to Doydoy in a separate occasion.

Tonight, since Bebs was at work and Nali was probably still on the way home from school, Doydoy and I got to talk. I asked him how he is and how is his review days going. He said he needs a camera phone, a good one. He was using my older brother’s iPhone but when he connected it to his laptop, it reset, losing all his photos of the solutions he captured for the past few months of reviewing. He said he was able to revive half of it, but the rest were nowhere to be retrieved. Then, he asked if he can get a loan from me, I asked why. He said he needs a good phone, I said, I can give him money to buy phone and he doesn't need to pay me back. After all, I actually plan to give him my new phone when I come home in December. I told him, I will double his allowance and he doesn't need to pay me back for it.

                  Then out of the blue he asked “Pano maging successful Ate? Bakit ikaw, kapag may gusto ka, na-aachieve mo kagad? Eh ako, ang tagal nang panahon, di pa rin ako makatapos dito. Akala ko yung Accountancy, matipid na course, pero ngayon, andami ko nang gastos. Kinakabahan pa kong baka di ako makapasa ngayon.”

                  I actually don’t know how to answer that. I never realized that he sees me as someone successful when I, myself, still feel that I am a long way to go from what I really want for my family and myself. Then, I told him, “Bat naman hindi ka papasa? Dahil lang wala kang magandang camphone? Excuse na lang yan. Wag kang ganyan. Naniniwala kami sayong makakapasa ka, kaya believe in yourself. Kapag hindi ka naman nakapasa agad, eh di re-take pa rin kung gusto mo pa. Ganun lang yun. Tulungan lang tayo.”

                  I told him, I owe him. Because when we were younger, he had to sacrifice his own future to work and send money for my college allowance and that delayed him from getting a bachelor degree sooner. And now, if there is a way to give him whatever he needs, I would gladly do so.


                  I told him to enroll in a gym coz he is really fat and the idle days at home are making him think unnecessary thoughts. Funny how he put value to his belly fat. He said, “Pinangarap ko kaya to. Ang payat-payat ko dati diba? Ngayon, sumobra naman.”

                  Maybe, I still did a lot of talking today, and I hope I had said the right words. If there is one thing good that moving overseas did to me, it is that I had grown closer to my siblings and that no amount of sadness and homesickness can make me regret my decisions coz I know that I have a wonderful family worth sacrificing for.

Buckle Up, Kat


There is this attempt to work on a paper slowly but surely, but for this one subject, I can’t seem to do that. It is supposed to have been an essay I should have completed 3 weeks ago but I had never took an effort to write it until tonight coz it's due tomorrow. 

I had told myself that I need to improve my study habits and focus, lessen the scrolling on social media and read more relevant articles, research papers and write slowly.

At first, my excuse was, I am having a hard time coz the digitized copies are straining my eyes so much, I needed to get new glasses. And I did. I just got new specs last weekend.

Another excuse was, since the copies are digital, I needed a printer, and a good friend was very kind enough to lend me a printer unit! How nice, right?!

Also, since my laptop is old, mid-2009 model made, a Core2Duo, it takes almost forever to launch a software and that makes me lose my focus. I can’t afford to get a new one soon, and I really don’t think it is a valid excuse.

I have been putting up so many excuses for myself. I have brought this challenge to myself and it will be unfair to fail myself just because I got lazy. It will be unfair for my hard-earned money to be put to waste just because I can't put up with my old laptop. I worked hard for all of these.

So, after this procrastination stint, I need to be better. Can't afford to submit shitty case studies.

There will be no one to remind me, but myself.

So, Dearydear Meow, please buckle up before circumstances unintentionally whip you into shape. You wouldn’t want to learn from experience, besides, haven’t you had enough lessons on procrastination and delaying tactics in the past?!

Enough. I gotta get back to writing.

What was the last gift you received?

365 QOTD
What was the last gift you received?

A chocolate bar from one of my students.

He said he flew to Tokyo and bought some omiyage.

--
2am and I just laid in bed. I had finished answering a question for 1 of the 2 discussion threads. I still have one to complete by tomorrow.

Submitted one of the major papers for this semester and I still have 6 to write about--- 2 case studies, 1 analysis paper, 1 online hunt report, 2 essays.

I never realized that it will be this hard. But if I give it time and sit down and work on it, I seem to be able to understand and provide answers to the study guide questions.

To make this endeavour really work and be fruitful, I really need to give up some things. Like, I had to limit my social media time, and online part time job. Going out to study has proven to be not so effective and expensive. With that, I just need to keep my home conducive to learning.

Still a long way to go. 2 more years of learning and understanding.

How old do you feel?

365 QOTD

How old do you feel?

I feel old yet I feel young.
I am caught in between the freedom brought by being single and that urge to be with someone. Most of my friends, at my age are already married and are already parents or on the way to being parents.

Had I not been working on papers for my own schooling, I probably would be sulking and stalking whoever online until I fall asleep, or would be reading not-so-helpful stuff online, worst, I probably would be reading articles about Duterte and posting tons of hate posts about him and his stupid fandom.


*****
It is National Holiday in Japan today but we got work from 9am-6pm. Not a bad schedule, today was one of those days that I felt like a normal employee like before. I was able to get out of the office just about when the sun is about to set. Felt good.

After work, as promised, I met with my Japanese friends who offered to either pay me small amount of money per hour or dinner for an English conversation, of course, I chose the moolah! Hahahaha! It will be additional emergency funds and/or funds for pasalubong for family when I get back home. I have no idea how these kind of things operate but I am happy to be able to chat with them. Most of the time, they know the words to use but just very hesitant to speak. I actually don't have to teach them anything, they know how to use the language, it's just the lack of confidence that really hinders them. With this type of conversation, I get to learn about the culture, the people around me and expands my network as well.

After that, impulsive shopping strikes in again. I dropped by at Maxvalu for rice and other food supply. Hopefully enough to get me through the week.
******

My brain really starts working at late nights and very early mornings. Like tonight, I started on my paper at around 11pm and just finished a few minutes ago. I feel very exhausted though I haven't done much physical activities.

Tita was very, very kind enough to check on my paper before I submit it this coming Friday. She even asked for the transcriptions of the data for the other two papers coz she is in the mainland for training and would have internet access so we can talk about my papers.

******

So much stuff to do and so many things to read. Goodnight for now!

My fave drink at the cafe- ginger ale :) 

What went perfectly about your day?

Dinner break in between study times. 
365 QOTD

What went perfectly about your day?

I was woken up by a morning phone call from family.
I was able to get caught up with a friend for an almost 3 hour video chat.
I was able to study, a bit.
I was able to do some grocery shopping.

The best part was that conversation with my friend reminding me to save up for rainy days. I really appreciate him checking on me if I were able to save up and how my spending habits have been coz I'm really having a hard time figuring out what to do and how to deal with stuff. He was also able to walk me through how to use the Abema TV on my chrome cast.

My aunt was also kind enough to check my recent paper for one of my subjects and since she will be in the mainland for the week, she is also asking if I can send her the transcriptions for the other two papers I intend to write for the other subject.

******

Tonight's dinner was the no-sweat prep tuna in olive oil pasta with salad on the side.
******

I think,  I am really better off to just be single and be surrounded with good people.

Oh life. Why do I even have to feel this way?

The computer I used the most is....

365 QOTD

The computer I use the most is my Macy.

It's my very old MacBook white I got as secondhand many many years ago from someone I used to know.

It's been with me for almost 5 years now. And maybe as a reward to myself, I ought to buy a brand new MacBook air laptop :) Soon, baby, soon.

*****
There has been a lot of tension between Ms. E and I after work. You know that kind of person who isn't sensitive enough about other people's situation. That's what she has been. Talking so much even though the manager has been telling her indirectly that she needs to shut up and do her thing silently. Hayst. She was even asked if she can write it down and then she could just give it to her because the manager have a lot of things to do and can't think anymore but she kept on talking the whole hour! It was just so frustrating that I had to go out of the room just so I could find some peace.

She even tried to confront me about it but wouldn't listen so there was no point of talking. I just needed the peace moment.

Then, checked out today's news only to know that Commission on Human Rights got a meager budget of PHP 1000. How can that even defend the lowest rank of human rights? Also talk about people who would blabber nonsense and then realized its nonsense and then delete it? Ugh.


My life would have been easier ___________.

365 QOTD
My life would have been easier ___________.

If I only have one point of interest in my life. It will be easy to focus on what to do and prioritize. But that is not my kind of life.

*****
I didn't get to update my critique paper this morning after discovering that my fridge wasn't working. Had to call the service center who had to put me on hold for a many times coz the person on the other line is afraid that we may have an understanding. Though even before that, I had prepared the few Japanese words I anticipated to use for the conversation. Oh well, at least they were able to confirm that they will have the ref replaced on Sunday morning, all good still.

I finally figured out which book to use for the basis of how my 2 case studies will be designed. So, yeah, more reading days and nights to come.

My friend invited me to a ballroom tutorial session on Sunday night, oh well, that's is how I roll now, I go dancing. LOL.

News from home are all FU and there is this guy FB friend who would only comment whenever I say something against his almighty president. I didn't even put anything offensive on my post, but he would always comment with SMH and hostility. Whatever happened to Unfollow Button if you don't wanna see my post or Unfriend if he really is affected by my shits in life. But of course, I will not even retaliate or show any evidence that I give a damn. Coz, I really don't. BURN. HUBRIS.

The Way I See It


This is us now, Philippines.
Nothing but keyboard warriors.
While we let the real Berdugo wipe out the more innocent lives. The real hope. The real entity of the Filipino our heroes of the past had long built--the innocent, industrious, young and hopeful…
********

Every morning, I am trying to work on my output for my Foundations of Reading as part of my MA class. Little by little, I try to go back to our readings and incorporate those what I have learned for the day to my paper. But still not enough. ANG HIRAP MGA BES!

It made me think about how social media drastically changed our reading comprehension and information processing from critical thinkers to violent reactors, yes I myself included.

On DU30 and Friends.
Every day, as I drown myself into social media and it’s a struggle to get out of, I get to realize how much our society is going down just because our schemata of common good and leadership had changed to become so shallow and violent. I could even out a subschema of fear into it. That war on drugs includes EJK and that includes innocent young people. Fake news and blogging is considered news. People had grown this habit of posting their speculations and comments that would hurt others, and smart-shaming and give justification that it is freedom of speech.

On Kita Kita Movie
We let “hugots” succumb our emotions and we saw love as a combination of an ugly and martyr, we failed to see the stalker in the man and the recklessness of the girl. This one, I got to realize after having a conversation with a Filipino guy I just met for the first time here in Miyazaki.

I miss my friends whom I can have discussions about books and their implications in life, how our society is changing and what can we do to make it a better place, the dreamy days of making classrooms safe and a haven for every child.

I am one of those Filipinos who decided to look for greener pastures outside the Philippines coz, every day, it breaks my heart to see how our society is deteriorating and my little ways aren’t enough to make it a better place. I didn’t realize that the heartbreak is of the same intensity as I watch it from afar, including the fear for my own loved ones.

It’s a struggle to convince myself to read journals, handbooks and academic references, reading more and more makes me realize how little I know, makes me so thirsty of knowledge and greedy to learn more, but my body and motivation is still limited. Gapang kung gapang.  

No doubt that we are literate readers, but the value we put on processing the things we decided to put effort and energy to read is what matters. We need to think deeper, way deeper than our emotions. We actually need to level it up to our brains.


*****
With that, in mind, mas gusto ko na lang basahin yung Cosmos by Carl Sagan, which is part of one of the articles we read for this week.

Ang sakit lang po sa puso ng mga kaganapan sa Pilipinas. Ingat po kayong lahat na nandyan!