92nd Post

Ninety-one posts and this one being the 92nd for the year 2016. So far, that is the highest number of blogs I had done in my almost 4 years of writing.

While my companions are busy singing on our new Magic Sing, I am taking time browsing on my entries for 2016 that has been.

The first quarter was notably all about heartaches and failed expectations. Nonetheless, it didn't stop me from dreaming my dreams. Second quarter came, and it became all about routines and going through with every day, a few more failures, nonetheless, I am grateful. I believe that God answered my prayer on my birthday and then the next last two quarters came with more surprises.

December had been a "buhay-baboy" month! LOL. Breaking the record of length of unemployment to almost 6 weeks from that of 3 weeks last first quarter of 2016. Taking time to sort personal stuff and get caught up with a few people.

2016 had been all about me. It made me see the people and circumstances turning in or out of my life. It hurt me yet it also showed me moments that made me feel that I am loved.

No matter how great my ambitions are, my happiness revolves around simple things such as my faith, family and great friends online and offline.

2017 will be a time to hopefully pay it forward and share more than I can ever receive.

A Starter Kit

Today, I started the initials of packing up for my upcoming career move. It's not easy. Trimming down the list of items as essentials to put in the luggage is not as easy as I thought I am just going for a backpacking spree somewhere.

First off what the choice of luggage itself. My younger sister sponsored the purchase. How blessed could I get :) She chose a very expensive one for the fear of "laglag-bala" but I opted for a Buy 1 Take 1 one of a good brand and hoping that such fiasco wont victimize me. I pray. I have faith.

Figuring out the wardrobe is next. Well, I had done an initial sorting first week of December, it took almost two boxes, then, I did another one on the third week of December, disregarding another 2/3 of what I had initially sorted.

I already have a list prepared but never really refreshed it until today. Had to cross a few and add a few more. Meds. My antihistamines wont be here until January 9. Then, the rest are OTCs. Food. I haven't really given it much thought. Aside from the Lucky Me Pancit Canton, corned beef and coffee, I haven't really given it much thought yet at the moment.

I guess, finally this is it?

Fitting in everything in a medium and small sizes of luggages is quite a challenge. Life comes to weight around 30-40 kgs. That's not so much given the many things that had happened in my life which had me who I am today. It's a decision-making moment in one's life, weighing in what's important and essentials.

It's like a starter kit for a new life in a foreign land.

Two more weeks to go and a new chapter awaits. This time, in a more exciting place. I can't wait to see how life will unfold and what miracles God will show me in there.

Randomthoughts 23 Dec 2016

time check:
9:37 PM

1. Bisperas na ng Pasko bukas! Ayown, di man lang ako busy kung anong ihahanda namin di tulad noong mga nakaraang taon.

2. Ang boring maging tambay! Bat andaming tambay sa mundo? Kagustuhan kaya talaga nila yun? Or wala lang talagang choice?

3. Nag-try ako gumawa ng butter cookies, mej epic.......fail pa. Practice pa. Maraming practice pa!

4. Andami kong comments dun sa nagdaang event na di naman ako kasali.

5. Woot! Dami kong na-meet na bloggers ngayong taon!

6. I am preparing for a winter-ready body. Oh ha. I need all the fats I can get to warm me up. Parang bear lang na nagpeprepare maghibernate. Only that pagdating ko dun, di nman ako maghihibernate kundi kakayod para sa ekonomiya.

7. Effective yung tagline ko for 2016 na "Kapit lang sa Pangarap" ano naman kaya for 2017?

8. Ang bad ko bang ninang? Wala kong gifts sa mga inaanak ko ngayong taon eh.

9. Eto na naman ako sa scroll-party/self-pity kakababad sa social media newsfeed.

10. Perfect yung binabasa kong Power of Habits ni Charles Duhigg. Kelangan ko syang matapos at masulat kung anong mga reflections at natutunan ko mula doon.

11. Pag nasa labas ng bahay, nakakatamad pa umuwi. Kapag nasa bahay na, nakakatamad na lumabas ulit.

12. Kelangan kong di na maging multi-tasker. Di healthy.

13. Yung nag-eexercise ako, pero once a week lang. Woohoo..

14. Masarap talaga ang bawal. Lalo na yung taba ng adobong baboy. Nakakapalpitate nang bongga ng heart. Bye baboy.

15. Andami kong sinimulang basahin, pero isa pa lang yata ang natatapos ko.


time check:
9:52 PM

After-laundry Session


How Far I'll Go 

OST of Moana (Motion Picture 2016)




I've been staring at the edge of the water
'Long as I can remember, never really knowing why
I wish I could be the perfect daughter
But I come back to the water, no matter how hard I try

Every turn I take, every trail I track
Every path I make, every road leads back
To the place I know, where I cannot go
Where I long to be

See the line where the sky meets the sea? It calls me
And no one knows, how far it goes
If the wind in my sail on the sea stays behind me
One day I'll know, if I go there's just no telling how far I'll go

Oh oh oh, oh, oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh, oh oh
Oh oh oh, oh, oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh, oh oh

I know, everybody on this island seems so happy on this island
Everything is by design
I know, everybody on this island has a role on this island
So maybe I can roll with mine

I can lead with pride, I can make us strong
I'll be satisfied if I play along
But the voice inside sings a different song
What is wrong with me?

See the light as it shines on the sea? It's blinding
But no one knows, how deep it goes
And it seems like it's calling out to me, so come find me
And let me know, what's beyond that line, will I cross that line?

See the line where the sky meets the sea? It calls me
And no one knows, how far it goes
If the wind in my sail on the sea stays behind me
One day I'll know, how far I'll go


lyrics from: 
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/alessiacara/howfarillgo.html

Self-imposed Torture

I remember tweeting this:

I can’t wait for the day that I will wake up and it’s not you I am longing for.

Then, today, I remember doing this. I remember you, but I don’t long for you anymore. Funny how life has been playing with my feelings all along. I waited for a day like this and today, I can certainly say, I remember you, but I don’t long for you anymore. It had been quite a rollercoaster ride.

Every day is a day of waiting and agony for me right now. Having nothing else to do and worry for the next 4 weeks is waking up the chronic-worrier in me. Having nothing else to do is making me gain weight fast. Having nothing else to do is letting out the worst in me.

I am trying to remember what I had done to forget you, maybe that will help me divert all these negative feelings I have as well until the day arrives.

The feeling that I don't have a fallback at the moment should things get out of hand is making me so worried. So worried that I keep eating. LOL. Over breakfast, my uncle had told me that I am gaining weight. My cheeks are a bit rounder now again, my movements not so lighter that it used to be, and I keep having siestas in the afternoon. I feel like I am living a life of a sloth. LOL.

I’m not used to the feeling of being idle, but I love the feeling of not doing anything. Contradicting, I know.

Oh. I just can’t wait for this four weeks to be over. Oh yes, I am also preparing my heart for so many “I told you so.” moments that will come up as soon as that day has arrived because I spent my days worrying instead of enjoying them.

Today, I just arrived from the airport from sending off my cousin’s stepson to OZ. Oh yeah, I am still waiting for that day that I will be the one they will send off.

Just like the day I wished that I will not long for you, I know that day that it will be me who will go on board that international flight, will also arrive. Soon. Sooner that I had imagined it will be. So, for the meantime, lemme torture myself.  


Not There YEt.

Two persons. Two settings. Same story.

Last Saturday, on two separate occasions, I met two of my closest friends from separate jobs I had in the past.

Same Thing. Same Plans.

I had been inviting her for a coffee meet up and she kept cancelling because of so many reasons. I didn’t mean to tell her that I am leaving via SMS because I was planning to tell her that personally. But since she kept on rescheduling and I am not sure if I will be included in the last flight for the month, I decided to tell her via SMS about my career move. With that, the plan to meet got sealed and brought us to Twin Lakes in Alfonso, Cavite.

She has been working for 10 years now in the same company where we met and had gone close. Her dreams of being a pastry chef hasn't changed. Unfortunately, she hasn’t made any move to start that dream. She would always find an excuse about the delay. She would always find reasons about being tied to the company she is with now for 10 years.

Her situation is very different from mine. But I told her that it all starts with really having that will to change things for the better. I really hope that she finds that will and courage to take the first steps.

Time flew so fast and it wasn’t enough for us to completely share stories and everything. But we had to take the first bus back to Manila since I still have to meet another one in Cubao.


Too Busy. Too Selfless.

I had no plans of attending the party scheduled that night. I really just want to see her that day. She is too excited about my future and had checked on the map my would-be location. She is working on a project-based transition for the current education system to that of the K to 12. She has been going around the country and some parts of the world for work-related engagements and has been missing the classroom terribly.

She asked if it is selfish of her is she wants to just be in the classroom than where she is right now. I assured that it is never and will never be a selfish act of her. Both choices were selfless. For now, she just needs to finish what she had started and then, maybe by 2021, it will be time to go back to the classroom.

Loving the Philippines is one thing we both shared. Being happy in the classroom is another thing we both enjoy.

Waiting Extended.

Just like both my friends I had met that Saturday, I am still not where I desire to be, but compared to them both, I am almost there.

One maybe lost on how to find her way, the other one too occupied with so many things to get started, mine was just put on hold for a little bit longer that expected due to things out of my control right now. Best thing to do? Do things that will take you to that dream. Waiting is one thing, preparing is another. It doesn't matter how long it takes but as long as the journey has started, it will get there I believe. I didn't make it for this month’s cut. Due to some issuance delays in the prefecture where I will be placed, my career move has been delayed tentatively between January 10-19, 2017.

The next few weeks will be dedicated to bumming, reading, reviewing (I hope so) and weight-gain (Help!)


No matter what, we will all get where we ought to be.

What's Important.

I actually didn't know how to feel earlier today when I received a confirmation that I will not be able to fly to Japan this December.

I just forwarded the screencaptured text message to my siblings, my cousins, my former co-teachers and selected friends who knew my current plight. They all seem happy that I will get the chance the Christmas holidays and New Year celebration here, with the family.

The dream of landing a job abroad took almost 4 years in the making, now, I am on the final steps of that chapter and it seems that I am still being put on hold. I don't know how to feel. If I am to describe how I feel, it would be-- I am a bit sad, yet I am happy that I would get to spend the holidays with my family, I also feel fear that things might get out of hand as because plans aren't executed on time, another set of fears for being sort of unemployed for the next few weeks until I get to have a confirmed flight and job landing. A little bit of dismay for the time to lose that I have to spent here while waiting. Then, I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

I should have been prepared. My counterpart in Miyazaki also had delayed departure a few months back. I should have anticipated how things would turn out and focus my attention on other far more important stuff like spending more time with my family and taking care of my health. Everyone before me were all deployed. So, I really should stop worrying and keep on living my good days.

The delayed departure is a good reminder of what's important in my life-- family, faith and surrounding myself with a great bunch of people.

I will be working abroad because I want to share in giving my family a good life. All their lives, my parents, they have dedicated to us, their kids, to have better future. I know that they are excited how things are turning out for me and my siblings, I know that they are also preparing themselves about us leaving from under their care and exploring our potentials on our own. I am so blessed to have ever-supportive parents and siblings. With the anticipated miles and miles away of separation, spending more time with them these days matters the most. I can now imagine the heated arguments with my youngest sister about fixing my hair, the endless encouragement for the other younger sister, the rolling on the bed moments with the not-so youngest brother, the facepalm over-lunch conversations with father, and the "bilhin nyo na ang market-market" line of mama if we say that we are going to the mall after lunch on a Sunday.

With things getting delayed, I have nowhere else to go but put my trust in Him. I am recently out of full-time job and on a waiting game with the agency to tell me when I can get to the next flight bound to Miyazaki. He had put me up to this point, I know that He just wanted me to take a moment to remember, what's important and why I had chosen what I chose. He reminds. Always. He keeps His promises. Always. I will just sit back and witness how He will unfold His awesomeness in my life.

When I told my friends about my delayed departure, all of them were happy that I will get to spend Christmas and New Year with the family. It's a wish that every OFW would want to do and as someone who is bound to be an OFW too, I am quite blessed to have this holidays in the Philippines. Everyone has been encouraging and positive about the recent change. Also, they keep telling me not to cloud my mind with any negativities and to just savor the moment coz once I get started working, everything will change. I will be back to my being workaholic and busy bee.

So, for the meantime, I am pre-occupying myself with household chores, part-time online job, reading with my new Nook, family-bonding sessions, art/coloring sessions, calligraphy, and most of all, bumming around.

So, Thank You, Lord the delay. Thank You for reminding me what's important and for keeping me holding onto You and Your faithfulness.