Why I Write 3.0

In celebration of the third anniversary of my little safe space in the cyberspace, which up until now, I haven't really figured out on how to give a more  "me" kind of design, I will try to enumerate why I do what I do in here, how I come up with topics, just about anything random about what and why I write and write.


1.  Unlike others' whose pages are themed into something in particular, mine is not, but I think it still is themed to something in particular--- my life.

2. This is a website that is all about me. My dreams, frustrations, failures, shortcomings, my altogether dramas in life.

3. Only a few of the posts have labels on them.

4. This is my safe space.

5. As one author had said " Share your story. Your life is a blog, not a book."

6. I don't wanna be immortal, I just wanna be remembered.

7. This is my stage, I am the singer and the actress. Soon, hopefully, I'll get to be the dancer too!

8. Not everyone would want to know what my thoughts are so I write them here.

9. I write for myself not for anybody else.

10. This page has no touch of good design in it because the author has no eye for one.

11. I will write whenever I can. It may not be posted here as always, but it will be on my phone, on my notebook, my notepad or my planner.

12. It's everywhere because my thoughts are shattered.

13. I am not so-OC with my posts, it's mostly, write and post, edit later when it's already posted and I noticed grammar lapses. Almost on all of them, I can pinpoint my own mistakes.

14. Most of the posts were hand-written down first or typed on my notepad before it would get posted. I rarely used the draft page on Blogger.

8:30 PM

500DoS

This is my own 500 Days of Summer. 

I would like to think that I am Summer and you are Tom. 

But in our 500DOS, I didnt't leave you hanging because I fell in love with another man. I had just grown tired trying to define whatever we used to have. Afterall, relationships are messy.  You didn't ran after me because you have either other girls waiting or priorities that doesn't include me in it. 

Our 500DOS ended when I asked the question what are we and I never got an answer, only silence. My mistake was, maybe our story wasn't suppose to be for a 500 days, it's probably for another thousand days? How would I know? I became impatient and that had ended what I used to see as a ray of hope, a piece of sunshine on a daily basis. 

Your mistake was maybe you should have talked and said that one word, "Wait." That would have made a difference. Just that one word and my restlessness, hopelessness and impatience would have dwindled down. I would put that in my mind, my pocket, my station, my book as a reminder. I'll wait for you. 

In our 500DOS, we never kissed just yet. Never held hands. Just a few, countable friendly hugs and conversations that involve our families, dreams and anything under the sun. But in my mind, I dream of holding your face with my palms as I kiss you on the lips before I turn my back and end that wonderful day with you in the park. Or maybe hold that abs, or us exploring each others' body up to that world where only the two of us can take each other to. 

In our 500DOS it is me who blindedly ask the question and not you. Only to be trapped in silence. You leaving across the shores without assurance if you still wanna spend more summers with me or it's over. I would like to take your silence as a period of reckoning of how our very of 500DOS, that maybe one day, like Summer and Tom, we will sit at that bench in the park side by side, you will hold my hand and tell me, "Thank you for waiting for me." 

Archive. 
11 September 2015

The Small Red Car

I sleep like a normal person now and last night I dreamt that I was driving a small red car.

I was driving on a straight path at a very slow pace. At first, I was alone and then I had to pick up my father, we are going to a bus terminal to pick up my mother who came from the province.

The first road was straight and uphill. Then, when I took a turn to pick up my father, and then took another turn, the driving pace was very, very slow. At first, I noticed there were only two step ons (brake and gas) so, I think it was an A/T car. Then, noticing that no matter how I press the gas to speed up, it would just rev up but not speed up. Still, I kept driving. The roads had it's twist and turns and were bumpy and muddy. Shockingly, my father wasn't complaining at all! Then, he later read a text message that Mama was already home. We both hurriedly got off the car and ran home.

We saw Mama at the gate taking her bags inside the lawn while making sure that the dogs won't be able to go outside.

I had been thinking about why the car was so slow. Then it dawned on me that I didn't lock my little car! I left the keys and the doors unlocked! Also, while running towards the location, I remember that there was another lever to step on at the left side next to the brake, it was bit elevated compared to that of the gas and the brake. Then I realized, I had not been changing gears at all, which then maybe affects the speed of the car that I am driving. It was a M/T car not an A/T car! I wasn't driving it properly. To make sure that the car runs smoothly and faster, I should be changing gear and stepping on the clutch for that at the same time.

I hurriedly ran to the place where I left my car but it was not there anymore. We kept searching and I saw it with someone trying to drive it out. Then, I ran towards my car and tried talking to the other person and then I woke up.

I don't know what happened next.

What is my dream trying to tell me?

Brighter than the Sun Cover

Basta, paggising ko kanina, feel ko na lang kumanta at tugtugin si Fernando. Dahil antagal kong hindi nagamit si Fernando, pinarusahan nya ko nang bongga! Parang hinihiwa yung daliri ko habang nakadiin sa mga strings :'(

Habang ako nagsstream sa Spotify ng mga playlists sa Moods Category, napakinggan ko tong kanta ni Colbie Colliat at sabi ko sa sarili kong aaralin ko ito minsan isang araw at ang araw na iyon ay dumating na!

I need all the good vibes I can get. With that in mind, let me sing my heart out.
Una ko pa lang po ito sa taong ito. Nawa'y makabuo ako ng isang album. Lol.  Thank you. Hahaha..

Bukod sa pangarap kong maging cover girl at centerfold ng FHM, at boudoir black and white photoshoot na ako ang model, isa talaga sa frustration ko ang pagkanta at pagtugtog ng gitara. Out of the three, to save a bit of my remaining dignity, I will just sing. Hahaha!


Brighter than the Sun by Colbie Colliat

Stop me on the corner
I swear you hit me like a vision
I, I, I wasn't expecting
But who am I to tell fate where it's supposed to go with it
Don't you blink you might miss it
See we got a right to just love it or leave it
You find it and keep it
Cause it ain't every day you get the chance to say

Oh, this is how it starts, lightning strikes the heart
It goes off like a gun, brighter than the sun
Oh, we could be the stars, falling from the sky
Shining how we want, brighter than the sun

I've never seen it, I found this love, I'm gonna feed it
You better believe, I'm gonna treat it better than anything I've ever had
Cause you're so damn beautiful
Read it, it's signed and delivered let's seal it
Boy we go together like peanuts and paydays and Marley and reggae
And everybody needs to get a chance to say

Oh, this is how it starts, lightning strikes the heart
It goes off like a gun, brighter than the sun
Oh, we could be the stars, falling from the sky
Shining how we want, brighter than the sun

Everything is like a white out, cause we shika-shika a shine down
Even when the, when the light's out but I can see you glow
Got my head up in the rafters, got me happy ever after
Never felt this way before, ain't felt this way before

I swear you hit me like a vision
I, I, I wasn't expecting
But who am I to tell fate where it's supposed to go?

Oh, this is how it starts, lightning strikes the heart
It goes off like a gun, brighter than the sun
Oh, we could be the stars, falling from the sky
Shining how we want, brighter than the sun.

Lyrics Source:
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/colbiecaillat/brighterthanthesun.html

Another Ending.

As of this very moment, I am officially unemployed. One of the shortest employment period I have had as of to date. 

My Phase 3 metrics did not meet the minimum thus, my manager, decided to terminate my employment with the company that took me four times to apply before I got hired. 

I didn't really feel its impact until I got home, knocked at the door and was asked why I'm already home at this wee hour. It's pains to say " Wala na po akong trabaho." 

But really, while I was signing my termination of contract paper, I was thinking of all the things I will be making time for specially for February's upcoming interviews, language lessons, guitar sessions and time to read and write about many things! 

Now, as I lay down in the confines of my room, the chronic-worrier strikes again. What if I run out of funds sooner than I can imagine? With the interview dates for my current applications still unclear, what am I really supposed to do? How do I start again? 

I take this as a sign that I should be back in the academe. That night shift is not for me anymore. 

May the universe lead me to the path that I should take where I can find my peace and happiness. May I be lead to the new job that drives my passion within a profession that has justified compensation. 

I always pray to the Lord to bless me with humility and wisdom in every decision I make and I always ask my family and friends to include me in theirs because, honestly, I cannot do this alone. 

So please pray for me as well. 

2:33AM

VBA


I am deeply honored to receive the Versatile Blogger Award from Stevevhan, the author of page Artistic World~ 




Random facts about me:

1. I'm a crybaby. Either I am at my happiest or at my saddest, I cry.

2. I love surprises even it's a very simple one, it makes me giddy giddy giddy happy!

3. I tend to forget sad and bad moments easier in my life, like they never happened.

4. I have very very short attention span and I am aware of it. I have been trying ways to keep my focus on something and it's awfully hard but I am on it.

5. There are days that I had to choose between Melatonin tabs or Allersoothe tabs as my sleeping pills as ordinary Sleepasil won't work on me.

6. My phone is filled with selfies I take almost every day.

7. If I wanna learn something, as in like really wanna learn it, I find ways to do so then I get bored again and want to learn something new again.

Mechanics:

Display the award in your blog.
Thank the person who nominated you.
Share 7 random facts about yourself.
Nominate 15 blogs with their links and let them know about it.

All of the people I interact with in the blogworld were already nominated by Jep Buendia except for Froi and Kayni D! I kinda keep a very small circle and would like to keep it at that. So, on top of Cher Jep's list, I would like to add Froi Dencio and Kayni D as nominees :D

So let's wait for their posts and see some random facts about them as well.




Oh No.

My dreams with you are simple….

            Spend the day binge-watching a series
            A good run at a certain trail
            Read a book while sitting beside you
            People-watch while killing time at a café
            Watch you move around the kitchen while prepping food for the family
            Kiss at a dancefloor
            Discuss arguments no matter how petty
            Sleep beside you
            Watch sunrise and sunset while holding your hand

How to make them reality, that’s what makes it complicated.


Oh yes, I have my needy days. I don't want to think I am needy. But this time, I am. Ugh. I hate this “time of the month"  all the mood swings in this world combined. 





Source:




Calvin Oh Calvin.

It's a ritual to flip on a page before taking a bath on prep to work.... 

Today, I got this: 


I can't even draw.. 😭😭😭😭😭😭

From Beer to Margaritas, and Finally to Wine

It had almost been a year since we left the school where we all taught for two years and I still cannot believe that I had the chance of working with some of the most amazing people in this planet. Most of them coming from privileged backgrounds and chose to do development work. Out of 8, 3 of us chose to work for the private sector with the rest working either in the NGO or the government under a contract still for the education sector.  I admire each of them for their dedication and humility in what they had done and achieved so far. If only we can have  ALL of the people working for the government have a heart and work ethics like theirs, I guess, we won’t need NGOs and the government will be adequate enough to support the better life for its constituents. Unfortunately, we only have a number of them in the government.

Chess, Gian, Carlo, Jessa, Ja, Nikki and Sofia.   

Writing this, I have no idea where to start and how to talk about each of them. Our differences and personal and weird inclinations were the same things that brought us together. I will always go back to this bunch of people whenever I can and whenever I lose track of my goals in life.

From beer to margaritas and finally to wine, our talks can go beyond love stories and heartbreaks, crushes, hottest guys to as deep as philosophy, politics, life goals and realizations.

I still have to learn the art of taking groupies and Sofia is not in the picture :( We miss you girlie!
 
The night was filled with good music as a pianist play in the lobby and each of us holding a goblet of red wine from France sent as a gift by our host’s partner. Two of them brought their +1s and it’s really nice to know that they are happy and inspired. Of course, I had been asked where’s my +1 to which I reply with that “teacher look” and that’s the end of the conversation about me. Hahaha.

We took our time to rekindle our teaching days and how we survived. Each being grateful to one another for being there. We really wouldn’t have been better persons right after that fellowship if not for each other. Yes, we are better persons than we were before the fellowship started. The 2-year commitment was a rollercoaster ride or emotions and ultimate moral challenges with which we had thrived because we had each other.

We are now on different career paths yet our “classroom days” hold us together. The advocacy for education equity is still there and is hasn’t really stopped. Two years is not enough to make the change.  

I won’t be longing for my teaching days if not for them and the kids. Some day, I will go back to the classroom and for every moment of triumph, discovery of purpose, pushing forward and learning, I dedicate it to them. These seven people had left a big mark in my life as a person, a citizen and as a teacher.








Brain Rules by John Medina

I found these rules useful, you might also find it the same :)


1. Exercise boosts brain power.

2. The human brain evolved, too.

3. Every brain is wired differently.

4. We don't pay attentions to boring things.

5. Repeat to remember.

6. Remember to repeat.

7. Sleep well, think well. 

8. Stressed brains don't learn the same way.

9. Stimulate more of the senses.

10. Vision trumps all other senses. 

11. Male and female brains are different.

12. We are powerful and natural explorers. 

Ready, Get Set, Sweat.

 Started the year with a short run :) 



Wasn't able to go far because it was drizzling. Still, it was a mission accomplished for the first day of 2016. 

To more good runs, goals to achieve and awesome year ahead.