SMS Archive 12.28.2013

R: I met up with my first love last night. We remembered the 3 yrs that we did not talk. I tried to find out why we fell apart and what I failed to learn from him; M and T left me the way he left me, there must be something wrong with me. I realized he left because he is the kind of man who will choose to not be with someone like me. I wish I can extensively share with you my thoughts abt yesterday. You might find it amusing.


Me: I’ve long accepted the fact that people come and go in our lives. Those people had left me, hurt me because that’s what they are meant to be in my life. Every day, I try to be a better than I was yesterday, still that doesn’t guarantee that he will not leave me. I had given up my search for love to destiny and had learned to live one day at a time. As for love, all I can do is wait for it to come. I hope soon. Soon. Honestly, nakakapagod din mag-isa. 

WHAT IM THANKFUL FOR @ 2013 (Part 2)

12.28.2013 9:24AM

Part 2

May

While undergoing the training and the MA classes, I made friends with a lot of people. Nakakataba ng pusong mapalibutan ng mga taong kaisa sa hangarin at nagnanais na hindi lamang maging guro kundi nagnanais ng pagbabago at pag-unlad sa pamamagitan ng edukasyon.

I paid Lola a quick visit in Bicol at meron akong nadiscover na isang magandang batis malapit samin. Unlike before, di na ngayon mahigpit sila Lola sa mga gala ko sa baryo. Kahit sinong kasama ko, kahit anong oras, pwede na.

Nagpractice teach, nag-aral, nagdecorate ng aming magiging classroom for the incoming school year, at kinilala an gaming mga magiging co-workers sa school kung san kami magtuturo.
Excited and positive pa ang tingin ko sa pagiging public school teacher ko sa panahong ito.

June

Lumipat sa bago kong tahanan sa may Quezon City. Gusto ko yung paligid. Mahirap lang kasi this time, I’m living all on my own. First time kong mag-spare ng kinikita ko para sa bahay na inuupuhan ko. Malayo din ako sa bahay, wala si Mama, meaning, walang sinabawang gulay na dadatnan.

Lagi akong pagod from school, pero meron pa din naman akong nakikitang sparks for the day to keep me going. In a week’s time, kabisado ko na ang mga pangalan ng 57 students ko.

Umiyak ako nung kelangan ilipat ang iba sa kanila. Kahit dalawang linggo pa lang kami magkakasama, eh nasanay na akong anjan sila #separationanxiety


July

Eto yung panahon na tinatanong ko yung sarili ko kung bakit ko nga ba pinili magturo. Yung fantasy stage ko at tapos na at mukhang naglilinger ako sa Survival stage.

Blogger/Teacher Jonathan of Metaphorically Speaking visited my class, though na-lift ang suspension later that morning, nakapagturo pa din sya sa iilang mga bata sa Grade 3. Nakakatuwa kasi rain or shine, push talaga sya sa pagpunta nung araw na yun.

August

Birthday month ko! Gumawa ko ng wishlist para sa sarili ko at nakakatuwang isipin na merong mga taong willing magshare ng kanilang mga resources para mapasaya ko! Maraming-maraming Salamat po J

Umuwi ulit ako ng Bicol over the weekend para lang maki-fiesta. Di na ko nalalasing. Hahaha.

Dumating si Tidibur c/o Gracie of Gracie’s Network

I got books and a chance to watch Ang Pagdadalaga ni Maxie sa PETA last November c/o Dadijay

I got a new guitar complete with tuner and capo c/o Kuya

Everyday, I learned to see the tiny sparks from my kids, na kapag pinagsasama ko, napapangiti ako, and makes me realize, this job maybe a thankless job, but worth remembering.

Andaming mga araw na walng pasok dahil sa Habagat, mabuti na lang at maayos naman ang kalagayan ng mga kakilala ko, walang casualty.

September

Ni-try ulet namin ang no-strings attached kind of relationship. Hindi talaga pwede.

October

2nd PBO Bazaar ay ginanap sa QC Circle.

Sunud-sunod ang weekend teacher trainings/seminars

November

Dahil kelangan naman ng work-life balance, nag-getaway ako at aking Muslim friend sa Burot Beach sa Calatagan. I had the chance to see an amazing sunset.

Sobrang gusto nang sumabog ng dibdib ko sa dami ng issues sa school. Minsan gusto ko nang isumbong ang dapat isumbong, pero kelangan maghinay-hinay. May tamang panahon para sa lahat ng laban.

Bigayan ng report cards ng mga bata, may nagsabing, first time nya daw magka-line of 8 sa card.

December

Parang hindi magpa-Pasko. Hindi malamig ang simoy ng hangin. Busy sa lahat ng bagay.

Get together everywhere.

Hindi natapos ang taon nang hindi ako nakaka-akyat ng bundok, kaya nung dumating sila Kuya, first weekend stop was the Pinatubo Trek Adventure :) Sobrang refreshing ang pawisan habang naglalakad sa kabundukan.

Namatay ang isang mabuting kaibigan nang hindi ko man lang nakausap o nadalaw sa ospital. Dahil sa frustration, di ako makapagtabaho efficiently. Ten days after, isa na naming kaibigan ang namaalam. Sya ang tanungan ko about tech stuff, excel techniques at kung pano ko ba mapapataas ang aking stats para magkaron ng monthly incentive. Kasabay ko din sya umuwi kapag wala syang drinking sessions with other friends.

Naidaos naman ang Christmas Party ng mga bata. Kahit mukha akong wasted, pinilit ko pa ding maging masaya sa harap nila. Kids, bawi na lang si Cher Kat sa pasukan.

Akala ko yung isang pinsan ko lang at yung partner nya ang magbabakasyon dito sa Pilipinas. Dahil may pasok pa ko sa school during that time, eh weekend gala lang ako nakakasama at buti na lang din pumayag akong sumama nung December 21-22 sa Camayan Beach and Ocean Adventure. Nakapag-swimming ako kasama ang mga dolphins na sila Zac at Hali. A once in a lifetime experience!

Another surprise ay ang pagdating ng aking Ate, pinsan ko sya, pero sya na din ang kinalakihan kong Ate since ako ay panganay na babae sa aming mga magkakapatid. 7-month old preggy, maraming mga pagkain na bawal sa kanya at sobrang maingat din kami sa mga byahe at mga kilos sa tabi nya. Nakakatawa lang kapag baby/preggy brain activated sya. Hahaha. Lutang mode.

I got another chance to meet bloggers sa idinaos na 1st PBO Christmas Party. Daming games and raffle prizes! More parties and outreach to come.

Tapos na ang Pasko, nakapamigay na ng mga regalo. Babalik na din ako sa school forms na dapat tapusin.

Part 3, all about the 2013 checklist. 


Time Stop: 12:34PM









WHAT IM THANKFUL FOR @ 2013 (Part 1)

10:55 PM. 12.25.2013

Ilang oras na lang at matatapos na ang Christmas Day. Pero hindi ang totoong diwa ng Pasko.
Thank You Lord for giving us your Son to save us from the sins of hell.

Oo, para sakin, yan ang Pasko. Meron akong mga kaibigang hindi naniniwala sa Pasko dahil sa religious affiliation nila at meron din naman hindi naniniwala dahil hindi talaga sila naniniwala na may Supreme Being at nakikiisa sa pagdiriwang ng Saturnalia.

Anu't anuman ang ating mga paniniwala, lahat naman siguro tayo ay may mga maipapagpasalamat sa taong 2013. Mahirap sabihing naging isang napakasayang taon ito dahil sa mga trahedyang nagdaan sa ating paligid, meron pa rin namang mga bagay na nangayari sa taong ito na nakapagbigay satin ng ngiti at saya.

Etong sakin, sisimulan ko na.

January
     Nagsimula akong magkaron ng mga bagong kaibigan through blogging sa tulong na din ni Senyor.
   
      Naconfirm ko sa sarili kong gusto ko na talagang magturo.

February
     Wala man akong lovelife, pero nung February 14, nakatanggap naman ako ng tawag sa telepono na nagsabing, tanggap na ako bilang Guro!

March 
     Nakasama ako sa pangalawang outreach ng PBO sa Bahay ni Maria. Naimbyerna man sakin si Senyor, di naman yun nakahadlang para maenjoy namin ang after-outreach overnight stay sa isang resort sa Pansol.
   
    Nag-try ako ng fling-fling love affair, di nag-effect. So wala.

April 
     Sa parehong araw, nagserve ako ng aking last day sa office at pagtapos ng shift, pag-uwi sa bahay, kinuha ang mga bagahe at nag-move ako sa dorm na naging tahanan ko for almost two months habang ako ay nasa training para maging isang public school teacher.


11:30 PM 12.25.2013

Brain working no more. Part 2 and 3 to follow.

Merry Christmas Again Everyone!

Jason, Aloja and Goodbye


                After battling colon cancer for the past 6 months, my friend, Aloja, passed away last Saturday, December 14, 2013.
                It was a shock. We all knew she was hospitalized late July, had an operation early August for the extraction of rectal polyps. We thought that had been the end of it all. We thought that the culprit had been out of her system and will harm her no more.
                I had known her since high school. She is tall, slim, has long, black and kinky hair. Even without looking, you would know that it’s her just by hearing her crisp laughter. She loves joking around and about people and always finds something funny about everything.
                She was an orphan. The principal of their barangay school took care of her since she was a baby. Fed her. Clothed her and sent her to school. We barely talk about her family. I barely talk to her during free time because I would either be busy with academics or extra-curricular activities. But since our school was just a small one, we get to see each other every day. She was also my tita’s favorite student because of her life story, her being responsible and happy disposition. After high school, our only connection were only through friends and then came facebook which had been our constant way of communicating and updating about each other.
                After graduating college, she moved to Manila, got a job and searched for her parents. She was able to locate her dad who already has his own family and her mom who lives abroad. That all happened a couple of years ago. She visits her dad’s family every now and then and communicates with her mom via facebook and international calls . Mission accomplished.
She had also found love while working here in Manila. They had always been one of my favorite couples on facebook, for I saw her complete transformation from being boyish to being that sophisticated lady who loves make ups, pumps and dresses and now had long, straight hair. I would always tease her about that whenever we get to chat.
When she moved to Manila, her lifestyle also changed. She now has to work and pay rent. Since her salary is not that much and she now has a lifestyle to maintain, her main priorities had changed. She also prefers sodas and softdrinks over water, and instant food over home-cooked meals. No more vegetables. As early as 2011, she had been complaining of seeing blood in her poop but never bothered to consult a doctor and continued with daily living until this year, she had to be confined and an operation had to be done.
She celebrated her 28th birthday last December 10, rushed to the hospital last December 11, with so much convicing needed which included taking her photo in a very pitiful state—very thin and dry skin, sunken and depressed face, bloated tummy, her mom flew from Kuwait to see for the first and last time in her life. Finally last Saturday, December 14, 2013. She had given up fighting for her life. I guess maybe because she had fulfilled her dream of meeting her biological family.
                When I visited her wake, her mom can’t still believe what happened to her daughter. She had made plans but now those are all worthless. She had been looking forward to reconnecting with her in the next years.
                I had been carrying this sadness me eversince I’ve heard of this news. Admittedly, I had failed to function properly the past few weeks because of the depression this had caused me. I had no energy to ask family and friends to help me in the Christmas Party of my kids, I didn’t do Christmas shopping like I used to, I just didn’t have the energy to be merry. Since the arrival of my cousins, I had been trying to savour every happy moment and just have fun but there are still moments that I just wanted to be alone and be silent.
                Then today, the 25th of December, one of my friends and former colleague passed away. He had been in and out of the hospital since November, the last news I’ve heard is that he had his HMO card maxed out for this year and had been relying on personal funds and help from relatives and friends to continue his medication. He died of pneumonia. I remember he was diagnosed with TB and took a six-month Leave of Absence.
                Who would have thought they would die so soon. They both were happy-go-lucky and have jolly personalities. Whenever they are around, we will be filled with good vibes and laughter.
                A couple of things I’ve learned about their passing. One, as early as now, we should be aware of what we eat, our lifestyle and just totally how we live our lives. Eat healthy. Live healthy. Second, we should always get the best out of life. I don’t know if they had lived that life, but for Aloja, at least I know that she accomplished one of her missions, finding her parents. As for Jason, he had lived his life as what he would always say, “Wala akong pakialam sa kung anong sasabihin nila, basta ako, iinom at magpapakasaya!” As to how to get the best out of life, I don’t know how, that is something I am still trying to find out for myself.


Farewell Aloja and Jason, I know you are both in a better place. Free from pain. Free from suffering. Cheers!

All I Want for Christmas 2013

Merry Christmas Everyone! 

People making lists, buying special gifts.......... 

Dahil dyan at sa pag-tag sakin ni Jei Son at gusto ko din namang gumawa talaga ng listahang ito, at mapagpatol akong tunay eto ang kinalabasan. 

Here are the rules:




  1. Make a post entitled, "All I Want For Christmas 2013," and please use the photo above.
  2. List 6 things that you want to receive as a gift.
  3. Tag 3 friends who will make the same post (no tag backs).
  4. Send me the link so I could check it too (optional)
And here it goes:

1. Books
            Orson Scott Card Sci-Fi Books-   

              Pretty Little Liars Collection:


             Coloring Books- just like this: hehehe
                                    


2. Backpack- thank you to my dear brother, he had given me a new one :D 

3. Guitar Stand - that's what I had put on my monito/monita wishlist, but I guess, she had a hard time finding it.




4. Plain White Shirt - I really like wearing white shirts. Medium Please. 




5. Book Cabinet- it's really nice to see stuff organized and all. 

6. Love, Peace and Prosperity- nobody can give these to us except ourselves. Happy Holidays everyone!!!!

And since I had made my piece, it's time for you: 

1. Sir Jonathan of Methaphorically Speaking, I know one of your wishes had been fulfilled :D Make some more! hehe

2. Kahit alam kong busy ka, Axl of Axl Powerhouse, para masaya!

3. Ser OP of Overthinker Palaboy, pero mukhang nakabakasyon si Ser. Pagbalik mo na lang, in preparation for 2014 listing. Hehe




December: #randomthoughts

9:19 PM

1. December na naman. Di ko alam kung dapat akong magsaya dahil malapit nang matapos ang taon, kalahita na ng aking fellowship ang patapos din o dapat ba akong malungkot dahil ramdam kong hindi pa sapat ang mga ibinibigay kong efforts sa classroom para matuto ang mga bata.

2. May kahiya-hiyang nangyari sa school kanina. I saw the sign, kelangan ko na talagang mag-diet. #push

3. Darating na sila pinsan. Excited na ko kasi more gala, more fun.

4. PBO Party on the 22nd. Punta kayo ha.

5. Magaling na mag-english ang mga students ko. Thank you to Teacher Nikki. Ang galing nya kasi magturo.

6. Andami ko nang nailistang pwedeng topic para maisulat, pero puro pa lang mga simula.

7. Papalitan ko na ang header. Soon

8. Darating din ang aking drinking buddy for vacation, for sure, may hello kitty na naman ako.. Hihi

9. Feeling ko, I'll be spending my summer days sa Pangasinan.

10. Malapit na ang Christmas Party sa school. Nakakatuwang isipin na sila mismong mga bata ay alam na hindi na kelangan ng mga magarbong selebrasyon. Ang simpleng  salu-salo at palaro ay sapat na para magsaya kami.

11. May hinanda kaming song presentation at choral reading para sa party, sana magustuhan ng mga magulang nila kasi yung mga bata, excited talaga sila kapag nagpapractice kami.

12. Minsan nalulungkot ako bigla. Pero alam ko hindi naman ako bipolar. May topak lang.

13. Birthday na ni papa sa 11th, ang hiningi nyang regalo, cash na lang. Lol. Nakakapressure.

14. Kahit gusto kong ipakitang masaya ako, minsan di na talaga kaya, pagod na kasi ako galing sa second job.

15. May mga gusto kong i-post na #cherstories kaso lang pagdating ko lagi, kama na lang ang gusto kong yakapin. Sobrang pagod makipaghuntahan sa mga bagets. Pero promise, masaya ko. Mas sasaya ko, kapag tumaas din ang sweldo ko. Lol.

16. Babalikan ko ang isa sa mga unang posts ko tungkol sa aking goal ngayong 2013, at mag-rereflect kung alin sa listahan ang dapat nang icross-out as fulfilled at aling ang dapat i-push, mga dapat idagdag at mga dapat i-revise.

17. Sa lahat ng nakilala ko, naging kaibigan at kapalitan ng kuru-kuro sa cyberspace, MARAMING-MARAMING SALAMAT! Alam kong kulang ang pasasalamat, ang hangad ko lamang, ay patuloy tayong magsulat, magpahayag ng ating sarili, ibahagi ang saya at lungkot at sama-sama tayong matuto sa bawat yugto ng ating mga buhay.

HAPPY THOUGHTS!

9:43PM